This is my rough draft. It was graded by my instructor and she added a note stating how to fix all the issues with my essay to correct for my final draft. This is what she said. “our give background on your topic and develop ideas in your body paragraphs. You need to change the font of your header. Indent the first line of your introduction. You establish in your introduction that males and females are different but never why that’s important to note. Your last sentence in your introduction is about females only. You need a clear thesis statement clearly establishing both topics and your reason for comparison. That reason for comparision should then be woven yhroughout your essay to deepen your analysis. You need topic sentence that introduce the category for both topics. Don’t jump straight into talking about one if you are looking at both in the paragraph. It adds credibility to use an outside source in your body paragraphs rather than just your introduction.
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